Sunday, 14 June 2015

What Postnatal Depression Is For Me.

I don't think you can really understand what depression is, or how it feels until you've experienced it (I know I didn't!) And I expect it is a very different thing for each person. It is such a hard thing to explain, I think if I had to describe it in one sentence I would probably go with "I just don't feel like me anymore!"
There are so many misconceptions out there, (and if I'm completely honest I possibly believed some of them)
It does not mean that I am sad all the time! In fact a lot of the time you will find me laughing and smiling!
It is not something I can snap out of! Oh how I wish it was!
Positive thinking won't cure it, neither will antidepressants but both do help!
It is something I find so very frustrating for different reasons.
Numero uno ~ One day I can be happy, cheery and feel like I'm coping (getting better is too strong a statement) and the next I can wake up and bam! I'm teary for no reason and I feel like I'm wading through mud,  everything seems so difficult and overwhelming. And I can't predict which one I'm going to get!
Number two ~ I know what I should be doing, the housework, laundry, washing up and many other things  and yet I can't seem to find either the energy or motivation, despite the fact that they are annoying the hell out of me!
Number three ~ The tiredness, even though I sleep well! (which is good because I'd be awful if I didn't!) I know I'm lucky because some people with PND are insomniacs.  I quite regularly wake up on the sofa before making my way to the safe haven of my bed, and I've never felt the need for naps more in my life. (Okay maybe when I was pregnant or just after E was born, but that is to be expected)
Number four ~ The negative internal voice, I try my best to drown it out!
Number five ~ The feeling of not being in control of my life (I am not a control freak! Okay maybe I am, a little!) I so want to get better!
Number six ~ Some days I feel like I'm going crazy, I forget things or make silly mistakes! Or both! My brain just doesn't seem to work!
Number seven ~ The days that are not particularly good ones but neither am I at my worst, just somewhere in between when things don't feel right but I can't quite put my finger on why!
I'm sure there are more, which I will no doubt touch on in other posts.
So there you are a snapshot of how PND feels for me. Feel free to leave a comment on how it is for you. And maybe next time I will go into more detail or maybe I'll go for a lighter topic! Xx


  1. Just keep plodding on doing a bit each day, one day you will feel yourself again and you'll wonder what was wrong. Keep happy and enjoy E. XXX More

    1. Thanks mum! I know you're right! 😙 xxxxx

  2. Your mum is so supportive Helen!!! that is quite something, sending sunshine your way.

    1. She most definitely is!! And hoping it shines back at you!! Thank you for commenting! Xxx